All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
