Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize