If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
