The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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