What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
