Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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