i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
