ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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