From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
