He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
