a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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