once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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