I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
