Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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