do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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