if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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