I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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