remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
