The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
