i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
