think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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