Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
