i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
