I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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