Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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