What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
