I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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