He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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