All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
