I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
