I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
