piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
