need another drink. this is the easiest way
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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