it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
