dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
