Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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