I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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