I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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