I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
