I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
