her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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