Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
