I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
