Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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