Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
