Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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