i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
