It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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