Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
