I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
