I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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