I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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