I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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