this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
