On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We got so high we made milksteak
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
