if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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