My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
