I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize