Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
