is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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