question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
