Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
