Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
