grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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