NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
