Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
