Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
