three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.