My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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