tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today