And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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