Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.

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  (805): I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait. http://tfl.nu/wg99
  Replies (101) Good night (726) Bad night (3214)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

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  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (24621) Bad night (976)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?

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  (503): Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes? http://tfl.nu/o6hc
  Replies (7) Good night (2907) Bad night (508)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

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  (586): Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now. http://tfl.nu/hw0c
  Replies (41) Good night (5980) Bad night (920)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (9123) Bad night (925)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.

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  (989): I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/07fw
  Replies (13) Good night (4308) Bad night (1189)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

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  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8791) Bad night (1033)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.

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  (717): reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control. http://tfl.nu/bdi5
  Replies (15) Good night (1077) Bad night (3816)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.

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  (773): I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax. http://tfl.nu/p0im
  Replies (10) Good night (2376) Bad night (974)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.

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  (902): Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp. http://tfl.nu/bjm3
  Replies (5) Good night (1573) Bad night (883)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.

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  (201): My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now. http://tfl.nu/1l2n
  Replies (8) Good night (1871) Bad night (1251)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.

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  (919): My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it. http://tfl.nu/7nca
  Replies (27) Good night (2909) Bad night (636)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time

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  (803): Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time http://tfl.nu/n1yf
  Replies (2) Good night (477) Bad night (266)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.

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  (609): So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/54rj
  Replies (1) Good night (738) Bad night (261)
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  (805): View more from California

  How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?

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  (805): How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution? http://tfl.nu/e70o
  Replies (5) Good night (380) Bad night (203)

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