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just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
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