Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?