Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?