Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
