Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
