Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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