My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
