Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
