My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How's work?
Spinning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
