So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
