Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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