Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
