I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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