You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
