Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
