Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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